Mindless rambling, Go....

I'm sorry I made you sick, you shouldn't have been left out in the cold.
You two are the only ones who fit in this category. Because I want you happy.
But I'm definitely still fucked up about this. I'm a repetitive rebounder. I find someone/something new to fill in. Not thinking. Not listening. Trying to fill whatevers hurting. I've used alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, now people? That hurts too many. But how do I stop? I see it. I know it. But shit. What it comes down to, is I want what I can't have. A forbidden feeling. Something right in front of me everyday, that can't be, for whatever reason. And again, I know it, but I don't want these feelings that come along with that knowledge.

But anyways, I want to say, I've spoken to one already, but if you catch on other, don't let me stop you from anything that can be good. If you think it'll turn out great, do it. I love you both and want the best for you. And I know you both, and have guessed correctly whats going on on one end. So in the end, its not fun for me necessarily, but I'm willing to suck it up if its what you want. Please just be happy. Don't worry, I'm tough....ish.

So. I want to go back to meditating. Someone reminded me of it. My dad used to do that sort of stuff with me as a kid all the time, and taught me how well it works. But then I guess I entered the self medication world and forgot. But now I remember. So I can do it.

I hope I get to shoot some good stuff soon.

Thanks for putting up with my crazy rambling. I tend to not think before I speak or write lately sooo...yeah.

At least you have someone to ruin

I hate long nights, sleepless, alone.

The upside is its raining.

Lights off, music on, nice

But it would be nice to have someone here with me

But instead I'll cuddle with Janey and she'll protect me from strange noises

I had nice company tonight though, we did nothing and it was great

More nights like these should happen

I might disappear for a little while tomorrow, I think it'll help get me out of this funk I'm in. I get these, its normal for me. I know I'm in them, and see how I'm acting but have to ride it out. Theres things I can do to lessen them but not get out totally until theyre done. So I apologize if Ive been acting down, it happens. Ill be back soon.

Racing like a pro

Where else is home but here. This is family here. This is where love is.

True

Tonights about us, fuck that and don't let them ruin this

True

Been in a funk lately

True

Everything will be alright

Probably

You might need me more than you think you will

True


Long day, its official now
Disappointments are discouraging, grow up
I have money, which means I can buy books
Very cool

Peace Corpse and mispronunciation

What a silly situation

First off I'd like to say,

You don't know what you mean to me
I'm incredibly grateful
You have stepped up when no one else has moved an inch
You know what I'm thinking half the time
And we're family
Without you I'd be a whole different kinda crazy
And even if I shoot you in the arm you'll still have me as a friend
That says somethin man
We will know each other when we're 50 and back to sitting around drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes
You might be ill then, but we know in a few more years you wont be
Because we know everything, and we pretty much own the world

...and build awesome forts


Aaaanyways,


My body hates me and so do others apparently
I was in a conversation tonight that made things kind of blue
I was told some things that didn't feel good

So I just went and smoked some cigarettes on a swing with a bear
Much enjoyed
After the cold ate me alive I was brought upstairs to find someone
The bear found two some ones
Then I fell down the stairs
There's a little more to the two some ones behind the locked door
But I'm not one to speak
So out of reaction and soreness from those moving stairs
I went and was offered something to alter my recent state of mind
It worked
Mind altered
No emotion surprisingly
I'm getting good at this thing
But in the end, shitty thing to do. Shitty shitty thing

But anyways again,

It's getting late
I never sleep
I've found today that I have a very addictive personality
Very very addictive, but I'm not alone, I've got my twin sitting next to me on this
Oh its very pretty
How embarrassing

I'll give you a little hint about these
None of this will make sense unless its about you, or unless you were born on September 6th 1988.

Straight up

Good thing I'm numbed