Mindless rambling, Go....

I'm sorry I made you sick, you shouldn't have been left out in the cold.
You two are the only ones who fit in this category. Because I want you happy.
But I'm definitely still fucked up about this. I'm a repetitive rebounder. I find someone/something new to fill in. Not thinking. Not listening. Trying to fill whatevers hurting. I've used alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, now people? That hurts too many. But how do I stop? I see it. I know it. But shit. What it comes down to, is I want what I can't have. A forbidden feeling. Something right in front of me everyday, that can't be, for whatever reason. And again, I know it, but I don't want these feelings that come along with that knowledge.

But anyways, I want to say, I've spoken to one already, but if you catch on other, don't let me stop you from anything that can be good. If you think it'll turn out great, do it. I love you both and want the best for you. And I know you both, and have guessed correctly whats going on on one end. So in the end, its not fun for me necessarily, but I'm willing to suck it up if its what you want. Please just be happy. Don't worry, I'm tough....ish.

So. I want to go back to meditating. Someone reminded me of it. My dad used to do that sort of stuff with me as a kid all the time, and taught me how well it works. But then I guess I entered the self medication world and forgot. But now I remember. So I can do it.

I hope I get to shoot some good stuff soon.

Thanks for putting up with my crazy rambling. I tend to not think before I speak or write lately sooo...yeah.